


Be Bold With Bananas

by Toppbanana



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bananas, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Romance Novel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 16:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1612046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toppbanana/pseuds/Toppbanana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor doesn't understand why Rose continues to buy silly romance novels. He finds a book to help create a romance scene of his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Bold With Bananas

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure, crack.  
> The cookbook "Be Bold With Bananas!" was without a doubt, and inspiration to this. I encourage you to look up some of the images. They are truly a sight to behold.

The Doctor never thought he would do something so domestic as buying a cookbook. And to make matters worse, it was a cookbook from the 1970s!  
They had stopped off in New Zealand in the early 1970s to investigate some strange readings the TARDIS had picked up. Once they had sorted out the lost alien and gave each other a brilliant “everybody lives!” hug (that probably lingered longer than it should have between “just mates”, but it was, well, brilliant after all) they ended up peeking into a little bookshop.

  
Rose had wandered off to look at the silly little romance novels she loved so much at the back of the store. The Doctor would never understand why she found them so compelling. He gave her much better adventures than Lusty Larry the Horseback Lover ever could, and he would, without a doubt, be a much better lover than those brawny blokes with rippling pectorals who never left the comfort of their own barn except to have an impromptu shag on the kitchen counter. But maybe that’s what Rose wanted, a sexy man who was tough and rugged and domestic.

  
That’s how the Doctor found himself in the cookbook section of the shop. He passed books that talked about 50 ways to cook with mayonnaise (nope), and books that only used flower petals and organic cheese in a can (double nope), and one book in particular with a giant poached pear on the front entitled Pleasing Pairs with Pears (nope, nope, definitely not!) He was just about to give up hope right then and there when he saw it. The cover of the book looked to have some sort of stew on it, but it was the title of the book that stopped him dead in his tracks: Be Bold with Bananas.

  
The Doctor snatched the book of the shelf and practically ran to the front counter.

  
He managed to hide the book in one of his coat pockets while Rose rang up her purchase (something about a dark doctor and his beautiful nurse during the second world war…he didn’t dwell on it).

  
Once they had made it back to the TARDIS, Rose said she was going to jump in the shower before tea.  
“Great!” the Doctor chirped before pushing past her and darting down towards the kitchen. He heard her mumble something about rude aliens, but her tone was light.The Doctor sent a mental note to the TARDIS to stock the kitchen full of bananas so that he could get to work on being bold.

  
About an hour later, he heard Rose softly padding towards the kitchen. He quickly put the last finishing touches on his masterpiece, lit some candles (banana scented to tie everything together, of course), and had the TARDIS dim the lights.

  
“Doctor? Are you even- what the?”

  
Without saying a word, he took Rose’s hand and led her to her spot at the table. He placed plates with silver coverings in front of her and his own place.  
“What’s all this then?” Rose laughed.

  
“Am I not allowed to do something nice for my special human?” he asked a little hurt.

  
Rose must have noticed. “No, no I’m sorry! Of course you are! This is nice, Doctor,” She said quickly placing a hand gently over his. She smiled softly, her eyes twinkling in the candlelight, making them look even more gold than usual. He felt his hearts stutter ever so slightly.

  
“Our first course,” he squeaked, then cleared his throat to try again for a more manly sound. “Our first course is a banana bisque with a coconut crème fraîche.”  
The Doctor simultaneously lifted both of the silver domes that hid their food with a great flourish. The soup was sunshine yellow with a white rose drizzled on the top.

  
“Oh, it’s beautiful, Doctor! If it tastes as good as it looks, than consider this a winner!” Rose gasped.

  
The Doctor’s spoon kept missing his mouth as he watched Rose all but lick her bowl clean. He really tried to ignore the moans of pleasure she emitted. The effort was a valiant one, but those noises were positively sinful! He was the one that caused her to make those sounds. Well, maybe in a roundabout kind of way. Perhaps there was a way he could coax those sounds out of her again in a less roundabout way…

  
“Rose Tyler to Doctor, come in Doctor.”

  
“Hmm?” the Doctor snapped out of his thoughts. “Sorry, I was thinking about…soup,” he added lamely.

  
“Is that why you haven’t touched yours yet?”

  
“What? Oh!” he ditched the spoon and picked up the bowl, draining it completely. He smacked his lips together in approval once he’d finished. It was pretty good, if he did say so himself.

  
“Doctor?” Rose giggled

.  
“Yes, Rose?” he smiled back.

  
“You’ve got a bit…just there…”she pointed to her own chin indicating that he had dribbled on his. Not very romance novel-y he thought to himself. Before he could wipe it away, Rose raised her napkin to his chin, effectively cleaning up the spot. Her baby finger grazed his bottom lip and he inhaled sharply. He noticed her eyes darting to his lips. He unconsciously licked them, accidentally catching her finger in the process.

  
“Ne-next course!” he babbled tearing his eyes away from the darkening pools that were Rose’s pupils. She slumped back in her chair. If he didn’t know any better, he would say she looked a bit disappointed.

  
The disappointment must have been in preparation for his main course, because that was exactly what it was. Banana meatloaf sitting on a nest of banana mashed potatoes with a banana and green pea salad was not a good idea in the 1970s, nor would it ever be. They both decided to trash the dish after a single bite.  
After that disaster, the Doctor decided it was time to break out his masterpiece: the banana candle. He thought it would be more romantic if he only made one that they both could lean across the table and share (and perhaps feed each other if he were to be so lucky).

  
He wasn’t so lucky.

  
Rose let out a bark of laughter that left her doubling over with tears in her eyes. Whatever the reaction he thought she was going to have, that was not it.  
“Doctor, what is...?” She got out in between laughs. “Is that a…?”

  
“It’s a banana candle,” he said slowly. It was a banana that sat upright on top of a pineapple ring in a bed of lettuce. He had dripped mayonnaise down the side to make it look like the wax had melted, and placed a glace cherry on the tip of the banana to look like the flame. He did everything according to the recipe. Rose burst into another fit of giggles.

  
“Fine, if you would rather go curl up with Seduction Sven in the library, then be my guest,” the Doctor huffed in annoyance. He had gone to all this trouble to prepare a beautiful meal for the women he loved, and she had the audacity to laugh in his face. He picked up his banana candle and set it over on the counter and busied himself cleaning up the rest of the dishes.

  
“Doctor, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” Rose said earnestly. “But don’t you think that your dish looks a bit…phallic?” When he gave her a blank stare she continued, gesturing to the banana. “Well, it sort of looks like some bloke’s…um…you know, his manhood. And that he kind of um…he kind of made a mess of himself…”

  
The Doctor’s eyes darted between Rose’s and his banana creation. Oh. Now that he thought about it, I did kind of look like a bit sexual in nature. He ducked his head to hide the rising colour of his cheeks.

  
“Doctor, look at me,” Rose lifted his chin with her fingers so he would look her in the eyes. When he did, she moved her hands to his shoulders where she rubbed soothing circles with her thumbs. “Why did you go to all of this trouble? I would have been okay with you cooking me beans on toast, as long as you were the one doing it.”

  
“I wanted it to be like a scene from one of your novels,” he mumbled.

  
“Sorry?”

  
“Please don’t make me say it again?”

  
“No, really, I didn’t hear you, I swear.”

  
“I wanted it to be like a scene from one of your romance novels,” he said quickly. “I always see you buying them up and reading them like they were the greatest thing since jam! And I wanted to show you that I could be just as interesting and romantic as any of those blokes.”

  
“Doctor,”

  
“And I went and cocked it up with banana meatloaf and a penis candle!” He was nearly shouting.

  
“Doctor!” Rose yelled. He completely missed her grin.

  
“What?”

  
Rose grabbed the lapels of his jacket and crashed his lips into hers. He nearly squeaked, but he felt Rose backing away, so he wrapped his arms around her back, anchoring her to him. He felt her smile against his lips.

  
“You don’t need to make me banana penises to woo me like some romance novel,” Rose murmured against his lips before kissing him again. She sucked on his lower lip for a moment while her hands moved to his hair and lightly tugged. He moaned into her mouth, which gave her the opportunity to tangle her tongue with his.

  
He couldn’t believe his luck, Rose Tyler was kissing him; she was actually kissing him! Not possessed version Rose Tyler, not Bad Wolf version Rose Tyler, but real, warm, pink, and yellow, Rose Tyler!

  
“I’m not trying to escape you with my novels, Doctor,” Rose said when they finally broke apart for air. “I was just trying to…”

  
“What, Rose?” the Doctor smiled as he began to pepper kisses along her jaw and neck.

  
“I was trying to picture you and I as the characters in the book!” she blurted out.

  
It was the Doctor’s turn to laugh. “Oh Rose,”

  
“Why do you think I’ve been buying up books that relate to us in some way? All’s Fair in Love During War? It’s about a dark haired doctor and his blonde nurse getting stuck in the basement of the hospital they work in during the Blitz!”

  
“And this doctor and his nurse,” the Doctor asked in between kisses “do they shag?”

  
Rose raked her nails across his scalp as he sucked on her pulse point. “Like their lives depend on it,” She moaned.

  
“Well then I think we can recreate some of those scenes that have been swirling around in that mind of yours,” he brought his lips to hover over hers.  
“Actually, I was thinking we could come up with a few of our own ideas…”

  
“Rose Tyler, I like the way you think!” The Doctor beamed, turning to shove the rest of the dishes off the table.  
Rose giggled as he picked her up and gently laid her on the now bare table where they would create their own racy romance novel scene.


End file.
